I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
