I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I believe in your delicious
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
