apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
