well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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