Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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