belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
