I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
