trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My vagina just recognized that song.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
