I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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