5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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