you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
smell my finger.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
