The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
