Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
