Plan B is the new Plan A
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
