Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
