you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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