My brain says no but my pants say off.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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