I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
