I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
