Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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