so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
