btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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