opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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