well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
