If that was your dad, he is hot
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
