remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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