You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
