all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
