Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
