I wish you could order shots online.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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