I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
