Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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