She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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