i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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