dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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