Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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