My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
