Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
