I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
