I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
