You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
