FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
