My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
