it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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