apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
