so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
