He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
