Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
