i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
