My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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