Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
