she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
