if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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