just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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