watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
