I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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