drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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