I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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