In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
