also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
