You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
