We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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