Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
