yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Drunk is not a location!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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