I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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