I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
