im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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