You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
