I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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