We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
