I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
