She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
