So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i was born a porn star she said
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
