NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
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when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
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I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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