I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
