My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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