Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
