I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
