i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
