So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
