the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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