And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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