On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
