You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
